I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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