New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
