help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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