pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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