Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
