i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
