Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
