Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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