I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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