haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
COCAINE IS GR8
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
