I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
