We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
