I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
