Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
