In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
