five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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