can we get nightvision for the apartment?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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