i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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