Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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