So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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