This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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