So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
