True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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