I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
