So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
