he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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