she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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