You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
