all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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