life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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