i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
