I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That was an excessively violent trivia night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
