Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
