I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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