quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
