she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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