If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
