Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
