Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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