I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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