he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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