i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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