Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
