It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
