You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
