At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
