I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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