tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
