There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
