remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
