His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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