literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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